Aw, RATS!

Rats!

FADE IN:

INT. BEDROOM – MORNING

So, there we were, minding our own business. Having coffee this morning in bed, when we heard a little squeek. Our eyes darted left to a stand alone closet sitting idly innocent. A closer examination revealed another squeek. Then another.

CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM – SAME

My eyes, big as bowling balls, peered behind the closet. Nothing. Then a jostle of the closet or two caused my wife Kathie to squeel as she witnessed a RAT leap from behind the closet and down the stairs! (Her scream was something out of Friday the 13th)

As I gathered my triple pounding heart to calmness, I slowly slid the closet away from the wall, to what did my eyes perceive? Why, 5 tiny ratsters, cozy in a bed made of my carpet. Not two inches long each, the teenie rodents squeeked in horror at my massive red dew, not knowing what to make of it. (Note: Actually, this line has been slightly exaggerated for effect, yo. They were so small that their eyes were’nt open yet) SO, on with it!

EXTERIOR – DAY – RIGHT OUTSIDE THE FIREBALL PAD

Kathie, Myself and our two pooches leaped in the Fireball Machine, Rodents in hand. (Actually, in a tupperware container, but that’s lame point. This is supposed to be exciting!)

We raced up PCH at a whizbang clip, darting left and right in between busses, PCH road bikers with funny clothes and a Rolls Royce with “Paris” on the plates. Hm. (Nearly hit that baby!)

EXT. MALIBU ANIMAL HOSPITAL

Not knowing where to take the tiny mouse-like pups, we fishtailed into the only place we knew. The World Famous Malibu Pet Hospital where all diamond studded prima donna celebrity mutts go. And here we were with rats… Yea, sad but true.

As the local vet feline was having breakfast as we walked in, his beady glassy eyes caught a whiff of a possible breakfast addition. The vet took one look at our 5 tiny orphans and said..

VET

Uh….

And THAT was all we needed to hear. She directed us to the ONLY place she knew…. And THAT was…

TO BE CONTINUED…

Just kidding…

EXT. MALIBU CANYON ROAD – DAY – CONTINUED

The Fireball Machine carved the canyon like a goldfish running from Peppridge Farms. So fast that a CHP Biker Cop lost his balance at the sheer wind, spilling his slurpy and sending his doughnut onto an oak branch, ala hole in one.

A moment later and the gurgling and pounding pocket rocket screeched into our destination. The California Wildlife Center.

INT. CWC – DAY

Inside we met the CWC lady’o’wildlife, Jill. She took one look and said…

JILL

Uh…

And then we knew we were in the right place. She took the little hairless rascals and gave them a squirt of baby formula, snugged them in a soft warm blanky. Kathie and I took one last look at the wanna-be diamond encrusted Malibu Celebrities as she carried them off to watch an exclusive red carpet screening of RATATOUILLE.

My mind whizzed as we walked the 5 miles back to the car. (Actually about 8 feet, but this is showbiz) And all I could think was, “Maybe we should clean the bedroom?”

THE END

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