Fireball’s “Cool Designs of the Week!”

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Ok, here we go. Ok… wait a second. I need to take a breath on this one. As I do this, I contemplate one of my soccer coaches saying “be one with the ball, Fireball.” So… “I’m being one with the post.” Ok, think I’m ready now…

CARS!!!!!!! WOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!! (Breath) Welcome to another edition of Fireball’s CDW! That “Cool Designs of the Week” for those that have not been affected by my unfortunate condition. I have a terminal illness called “CARdio MyCOOLopathy.” It’s contagious, just so you know. And gets worse every day. Side affects include excessive salivation surrounding sculptured form, eyeball extension involving potential speed and alien bursting chest pain in regards to voluptuous lines. No, I’m not talking about your girlfriends, (although if that were true, what lucky men you’d be) I’m talking about this week’s cool rides.

Oh, an one more thing. As with most weeks, I threw in a few not so cool rides. In the profession, we call them “Suckassters.” I’m just sayin…’ OK!

1. THE ASTON MARTIN VOLARE

Aston-Martin-Volare

Ooooo. Knees are quivering. And I’m pretty sure that there’s a cold shower in my near future. A proportionally perfect dynamo of glistened metal. A blissful combination of God induced form. Yea, it’s nice, in a whole Goddess Genevieve just told you that she’s in love with you and will never have another …sort a way. Mmm…

2. THE BMW SIMPLE

BMW-Simple

Ok, simple what? Did they put this together with hot glue and planks from left over book covers? C’mon Beemer doods. So, it leans. Seen it. So, it’s got two wheels. Seen it. So, it looks like a bad version of the Viper from BG. Yes, that came out in the 80’s. Unless, … you’re just kidding? IT’S A JOKE! I GET IT!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!

3. THE E WOLF CONCEPT

E-WolfConcept

Sick beast of grawling powerness of girthyjunder. What did I just say? Don’t worry, it’s Swedish, I think, for Me lika dis kul carito. ‘Course, need to see it in red.

4. THE MERCEDES BENZ SLS FLYING GULLWING

MB_sls

Wow, when MB does a car with gullwings, they aren’t kidding. Just ordered mine and this is how they delivered it. I photoshoped the green stripes in there ’cause I’m pretty sure that no one woulda believed me. As soon as I finish this (and my coffee), I’m taking my wife on a flight up the coast for a danish. Oh, and the best option? 12 free classes on Heli Drops, Base Jumping and Spalunking. Um… not too sure about the last one.

5. A FIREBALL POP EXCLUSIVE

MaPop

No, not a car exactly. Although I designed the cover of my Dad’s new book. Check it out. He was one of the top writers in Hollywood. Outer Limits, Hawaii 5-0, Bonanza, Twilight Zone, Route 66 and 3000 others. Just finished a musical and is the subject of an HBO Documentary. Sheesh. All that at 81.

6. THE NISSAN LAND GLIDER

Nissan-Land-Glider

Pop, pitch, point and shoot. It’s a toy. The kind of thing you find in your stocking at Christmas. AND I WANT ONE RIGHT NOW!!! (Does it come with those like silver chocolate balls? I really like those, too.)

7. THE RENAULT KANGOO

Renault-Kangoo-ZE

Ho, ho. Vat is dis? A vonderful leetle carrrr dat is so vonderful and fool ov Frenchness. Iy loooove dis carrrrr. Soooo sexy. Now, I must have Escargo, see voo plate. (My French is a little rusty.)

8. SUPASSE

Suppase

I’m sorry for this. So sorry. This Japanese exotic is just not workin’ for me. It’s like… you’d stand right in the middle of it, not sit. It’s so proper and respectful. Am I wrong? It’s so… Japanese. Don’t get me wrong, I love lots of Japanese cars. But the proportions on this go against everything an exotic is about so far. Low, sleek, aggressive. Instead, it’s tall, pinched and proper. I can see it now as I pull up to an exotic car show, get out and say… “Hello everyone. How are you, today?” I mean, you’re supposed to “squeal” up, pop the door, smoooothly get out and say… “Sup.”

9. THE TAYLOR ONE WHEEL

Taylor Onewheel

Ok, a little classic coolness. This one? The Taylor One Wheel concept from the 50’s. Maybe the 40’s. A bitchin’ invention for the time that had only one flaw. It would kill you. Now, as flaws go, this is a biggee. (Maybe it’s just me) But, if this car were gonna kill me, I’d have to contemplate driving it, you know. I mean, If I’m gonna be dead… then that might be a dealbreaker. Thoughts anyone?

10. THE TOYOTA FT 86

Toyota-FT-86

Why is everyone having a “wonderment” over this car? Um, ok people, this is just another Toyota. Ok, it’s red, and they did that because I called them and complained. The Toyota operator patched me through to the ToyoPrez and we had a heart 2 heart. He listened, I laid it down. He spoke, I set him straight. He got testy, I called his wife. Done. Don’t mess with the Fireball. Oh, the car? Whatever, it’ll sell.

And regarding my disease? You now have it, too. Sorry about that, Cheif.

PEACE OUT.

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