Fireball Tim’s Cool Designs for the Holidays!

It’s the Holidays, and coolness abounds. Snappy designs and ideas from the best, and not so best, around. So, as I down my peppermint chocolate cookies and slurp my apple cream cider, I pose this contemplative effort. (Like, I have no idea what I just said…) Whatever…

Adios 2009! Welcome 2010! We don’t have flying cars. We don’t teleport our asses around the globe. And we don’t eat square Star Trek food. BUT, we do have G3 phones. We DO have bluetooth contraptions hangin’ on our noggens and WE DO…

…have bitchin’ rides. Bring it, Fireball.

1. SANTA’S LAND ROVER SLEIGH

Just frikkin’ cool. I mean, yea, the reindeer will be really pissed, but so what. Take the year off boys. Ima deliverin’ on my own. And I’m gonna buzz the pyramids at MACH 3. …Ho., yo.

…Funny. “Land Rover.” And… it’s a sleigh. That flies. I’m just sayin.’

2. THE AUDI AVATAR


No, not designed by James Cameron. Although, he coulda had it in the movie. Audi is poised to create future car badness with this and the ETRON. Although, I think they’re going to too many movies. Their next car is their wind-powered SUV called the RAMBLOW.

3. E-CRUSTACEAN


Certainly my choice in hybrid rides. Part BUG, part CRUSTACEAN. Butter powered and some serious pedestrian killers. Lemon slice anyone?

4. CAMARO ENFORCER


Want it. Gonna have it. Gonna use it. “You’re the disease, and I’m the cure.” “I am da LAW.” “Feelin’ lucky, punk?” All good lines, but this cars says… “Take your best shot and see what happens.”

5. THE ALFA SPIDER


This ride belongs to my buddy, Tony Michalski. He wanted to convey why cars are like women. Specifically, Italian women. And this dynamo is all Italian. So, I pose the question to ya’ll. “How are cars like women?” Ok, I’ll start….

On second thought, …my wife’s gonna read this. Peace out.

6. THE HONDA HELIX

What the heck? If someone can design this… then I should be driving it. Or… flying it. Maybe it’s a sub? No, wait. I KNOW! It’s an MRI Machine! …With wheels, duh.

7. THE MINI BEACHCOMBER

MINI. Only bigger than a MINI. And no doors. Well, there IS doors, but they come off. And you can store them in your other MINI. Oh, and there’s 9 billion options for this ride. Including Snow Boards that replace the tires. And it has 16 cup holders for slushies. Only,… 4 seats. But you can store the extra cup holders in your Clubman… which will go in the other MINI. Wait… now I’m lost.

8. THE SAHS MERCEDES BENZ

John Sahs designed the CUBE. And he’s my buddy in Tokyo. So, that’s cool. And this MB is cool. And it’s his. So, that makes John my new best friend. HEY JOHN! DESIGN ME AN OCTAGONAL MERCEDES! Or maybe a HEX HONDA. Or would you believe a TRIANGULAR TESLA. NO WAIT! A SQUARE SAAB!

Ok, I’ll handle that one…

9. THE FIREBALL SAABSLAM

GM is buggin’ out and dropping SAAB. You don’t do that to Swedish Babes. (Guess the Chinese doods didn’t want that along with getting a Hummer?) Anyway, references aside,  slam a Saab and cruise it accordingly and what do you get? Big pimpin.’

10. MILK CHOCOLATE CARERRA

Options. Cocoa holders. Park, Reverse and Lick. Exhaust serves marshmallows.

Merry Christmas, people. LOVE TO THE WORLD!

More »

(1) Comment|Posted in Holidays