Fireball REVIEWS the 2012 HONDA CR-Z Hybrid…

Ok, I’m just gonna come out and say it…

I feel bad for GAS STATIONS. I mean, let’s drop what we’re doing for a second and think about this.

Gas Stations. It’s not like they set out to be bad and all that. Like an evil twin or something. You glide in… actually, you race in. You get served with a smile…. actually, you don’t get any service at all and you have to do it all yourself. But, but…

Poor lil’ Gas Stations are gettin’ put out to pasture because BIG MEAN CAR COMPANIES like HONDA are making cars that don’t need them any more. FOR SHAAAAAAMMMME. The doods at Honda should know better than to make a fuel efficient car that hardly ever needs gas… if at all. Bad, Honda. No treat.

And then, they have the GALL to make me review their 2012 CR-Z Hybrid!! I mean, is Gall even a word?? The real meany here is HONDA for building cool cars that not only last forever, but are making the environment better. HOW DARE THEY!!! I’m puttin’ my foot down… on the gas pedal!

So… It’s was with great pleasure that I decided to grab my significant other Kathie and go for an unusual trip with this EEEEVIL CAR. HONDA even sent me one in RED!!! BWAAAAA!!!!! (Fire Engine Red… just stick a big phat chocolate bar in my mouth and force me to enjoy it!) Oh, the horror…

Um… ok, where was I? OH! We decided to take this lil’ 31/City 37/hwy “tuner wanna be and will be” for a trip that I KNOW, no one with a CR-Z has probably ever done before. We…

…drove to GAS STATIONS… AND WE DIDN’T EVEN NEED GAS!!!!! OMG, THE ABSOLUTE TORRENTIAL HORROR OF IT ALL! But, since we decided to go to these “thrown out into the wind soon” establishments, we figured we should peruse LA and find some super cool ones. Since, like… we didn’t want to go see something ugly because we had a cool… I mean evil, car. That would be totally sad and we’d start balling.

So, we grabbed our lil’ HONDA Vixen and headed into Hollywood for some photo ops. And we found some doozies. Even got a shot with some famous Russian Dood. And the cars that were in these Gas Stations WERE ACTUALLY GETTING GAS! We were so relieved to see a Gas Station actually pumping fuel and tailpipes belching the fumes into the air. Whew! I just wanted to put my face in front of one and take a big deeeeep breath… BUT, instead, my wife…. decided she wanted coffee. (She always get here way! Not Fair!!!)

So, the HONDA. The CR-Z… The 2012 122hp 1.5l SOHC 16-Valve i-VTEC just drove and drove and drove. Like, forever!! I had it for a week and NEVER PUMPED FUEL! It was like,… EMBARRASSING! I mean, do you realize what it’s like to visit a gas station and NOT pump? The looks from people were chilling… It was like the makings of a riot, I’m tellin’ ya. And to make things worse… look what else this HONDA comes with!! >>>>>

A 3-MODE Drive System! Normal, Sport and Eco. ECO!!! That means that the gas mileage is even better! WHOA! How awful can THAT be? An Anti-Theft Deterrent System (Not like they’re gonna be siphoning fuel, duh.) 3000 Airbags! No, wait… that can’t be right. Um, there’s plenty, like a bounce room!! A full-on super cool NAV System, 360 Watt CD System with 7 Speakers! 7!!! Like the car’s barely big enough for one 47″ Sub!!

PLUS, super cool mesh seats, leather wrapped steering wheel and so many options that my fingers are started to bleed. (Insert awful visual here.) And it’s zippy… Ohhhhh… this is really sad for the gas stations. And you want the dagger in the side?

All that car is only $22K. (Gas Station owners, just pack it in now.) A super clean, sustainable car that gets ridiculous gas mileage and has a hankerin’ of doo-dads to boot. In the 7 days that I had this lil’ EcoSportster, I drove my rear end off. (Not literally, dummy. That would be really weird…)

The final draw? HONDA has built, once again thank you very much, a force to be reckoned with for the EcoSport market. A super cool ride that doesn’t waste time by driving to gas stations, unless you need a fill-up on caffeine. Instead, it takes you on a clear journey of the senses by merging the excitement of road carving with the awesome awareness of making a difference. CONSCIOUS-COOL.

And I for one, don’t really mind avoiding the pump, really. (Yes, I’m a turncoat now…) Maybe the Gas Stations should all be retro-fitted as AutoMuseums? For a time when we didn’t care what we did to the planet. But now, thanks to HONDA and many others, we do. And that makes them COOL.

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