Fireball reviews the 2012 VOLVO C70…

Okay, who said that? Which one of you said that Swedes are weird? Because I’m just gonna have ta grab you by the collar and drag you to the nearest Ikea. Because weird is now the new cool…

Now, we’re not talking furniture here, although there are seats in this 2012 Volvo C70. But you don’t go out and buy this in pieces, take it home and put it together. It comes fully assembled. And there’s a reason for that, but we’ll get to the specifics in a sec. Now, this car is near perfect. Let’s just get that out right now. It’s a CAR. A perfect CAR. In every way a car can be perfect. But the top, man, the top…

Okay, wait. I said I’d get to that…

The ergonomics are near perfect. Everything is where it needs to be or should be. It drives extremely well and is probably still one of the safest cars on the planet. It’s got 325 horses, upgraded by the Polestar Performance Package. And that’s just enough to get the job done, whether it’s passing, accelerating from a stop, or getting away from your mother-in-law who just doesn’t happen to be Swedish. Bummer.

The seats are soft as a cloud, yet supportive. The sound system is rock solid and the overall package, nicely built. So,… all in all, it’s a really solid machine. But…

Here’s the thing. (Don’t sweat yet, you swedes, you…) The car is perfect in every aspect, but one. But that one thing that it lacks… is made up for in one thing that doesn’t. Make sense? Ok, maybe not, but let me do the Swedish thang

The 2012 Volvo C70 lacks passion in design. It’s safe. It’s secure. It’s all there. But it lacks taking a chance. Now, as I write this, there’s a 500+hp version that’s just come into play and maybe the sweet folks of Volvo will let me experience, but as for this black on black model, it lacks the luster, excitement and innovation that I so crave in design. But…

As I stated… there IS this one thing. And it’s one thing that would actually get me to buy this car. And THAT… is the frikkin’ cool ass top that folds like you won’t believe! I mean, you could sit there all day and marvel at the engineering that went into this hard top “converty.” And THAT, my friends, is what the swedes do that no one else can seem to do. (Besides awesome blondes.)

Yea sure, I can see them (The Swedes) over in Sweden, hangin’ out, scarfing meatballs and Swedish Fish, minding their own business and designing a car that is pretty much perfect. Although, some of the designers could stand to drink a few extra lattes while they let their pencils hit the paper… and then… OUTTA NOWHERE, some engineer dood named Hans comes up with a top design that pretty much freaks the crap out of everyone.

No, I don’t have confirmation that his name is actually Hans, but just stay with me for a sec longer. This car is about $50K. 18/28mpg. Gets a 6 on the Global Warming Score and has seat belts that are backwards in the back. (It’s a Swedish thang.) So, as I stated, the car isn’t a bunch of bells and whistles. What it IS, is the top. And even if you put the top down for only 3 days out of the year, you’re gonna love it. In fact, I’d invite a bunch of friends over for meatballs, fish and gorgeous blondes to just watch the top go up and down all day long. Hmf a’ de Leon….

325hp. 354 lb ft torque. 18” rims. Excellent leather, stitching and quality. It’s everything a car should be… only I’d like a bit more FIRE. Note to Volvo, I’m coming to Sweden with my red pencil. And I’m gonna freak you out… Promise.

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