Ride of the Week… A DATE WITH CHRISTINE!!

Pretty much everyone on the planet knows of Christine, the 1957 Plymouth Fury who terrorized a small town with her jealous, flaming rage and left havoc in her rearview mirror.

But, I’ll bet you didn’t know that Christine is a very different lady on the weekends? Much more subdued on the jealousy angle than most might think, yet she seems to cause a bit of mayhem wherever she goes.

I got a chance to interview her and take a spin (shotgun of course) and speak with this evil harlet of the silver screen on her likes and dislikes, and what she does around Halloween in the ’Bu. And of course, why she loves Malibu (in a slightly dark, sinister and comical way).

On the outside, while Christine sits still parked at the Country Mart, fans gather and take pictures. But one thing that Christine loves most is that the moment she moves, everyone around her scatters like bugs. Sitting still, she’s an innocent classic, but the moment her tires roll, her movie character comes to life and people really freak. I got to see this first-hand.

“With the slightest roll, I can move everything and everyone out of my way,” Christine said. “It’s a plus when I need to pull out of tight places. People think I’m going to burst into flames and chase them. It’s funny … yet, I might. All depends on how annoying they are. I don’t mind selfies, but don’t sit on my hood or I’ll give you a free ride to the morgue!”

Yeah, that was a little unnerving for a first sit down with Hollywood’s favorite evil car, but I cautiously went with it.

Once on the road up PCH as the sun began to set, I started to wonder what I had gotten myself into. But the interview just kept rolling with some of Christine’s likes.

“I like Tesla and think it’s about time for self-driving cars,” she said. “I’ve been doing this since 1983 and it’s why John Carpenter tapped me for the role in the movie. The tech is there and I’m proof. But I just had to get him over my arrest record. I’ve been towed more times than I can count! But sitting on the side of the road in the dark seems to scare people, and I tend to do it in lots of creepy places. I just like the darkness … and, during Halloween, it gets much, much darker.”

We rolled into Pavilions at Point Dume and as the car wound through the parking lot, we got a combination of smiles accompanied by moms grabbing their children and running.

“If I pass someone in a parking lot and then suddenly stop, they scatter like I’m gonna back up and eat them with my trunk,” Christine said. “I might!! But I have to shop also and don’t need a bunch of people trapped in my trunk while I do it. What kind of sense would that make!”

Yeah, I wasn’t really sure how to respond to that, so I just smiled and prayed that I’d make it back home and not end up as a real Fireball. But Christine’s dislikes were far more interesting.

“I don’t like passengers that leave trash on my dashboard or eat in my seats,” she said. “They do that … and I’ll turn them into a charred McNugget, and have. You won’t be seeing them any time soon, except maybe during Halloween as a ghost or goblin,” she said, with a smirk on her polished chrome bumper.

Pretty sure she was kidding. I think.

“I don’t like drivers on PCH who pull U-turns on the bridge, make left turns in the middle of the highway with their butts sticking out or speeders,” she continued. “If I catch you, I won’t be giving you a ticket, but a one-way trip to St. Peter without your car.”

Carpenter will attest to that, as some of his crew would randomly disappear during the shoot.

“I have no recollection of that,” said Christine. “Maybe they just didn’t like working with a star like me. I can be a bit of a bear in my trailer when I haven’t had enough oil.”

On Malibu, Christine’s favorite spots are corner lots in the dark, long driveways of random people’s houses and overgrown backyards.

My time with Christine revealed a lot of things. Mainly, I saw my life flash before my eyes and thanked God I got back. But, also, she revealed to me her inner charm and evil, funny humor regarding everything from Starbucks to zombies. She’s a Zombie Uberist on weekends and likes the fact that they don’t talk much, but tend to leave a few parts behind in the backseat. Not like she can do anything about it, as they are already dead. She’s building up a collection though.

This Halloween, Christine will be cruising up and down PCH, doing her best to scare as many people as possible. Her record is 2,100 and she plans on beating that to a pulp. For some reason, I believe her … and will be on high alert.

Thanks Christine for taking the time to cruise with Fireball! I’m very grateful not to have become a McNugget. And I won’t be pulling any U-turns anytime soon!

Want to be featured in Ride of the Week? Send Fireball an email at askfireball@fireballtim.com.

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