Ride of the Week… Actor Badass PATRICK KILPATRICK and his 2017 Jaaaagggg…

You want to know how committed I am to writing Ride of the Week?

Well, as my fingers poke these keys, a massive fire is blazing its way through Malibu, currently at Pt. Dume. But people’s car stories are important, so I’m risking life and limb to bring this week’s column, featuring actor Patrick Kilpatrick and his 2017 Jaguar. Seriously, I gotta write this and then evacuate. So, let’s do this.

As an actor, Patrick has been around a long time, but, according to him, his name wasn’t always Patrick.

“Everyone assumes Patrick Kilpatrick is my made-up stage name, but the truth is a bit more strange,” he explains. “I was born Robert Donald Kilpatrick Jr., but no one ever called me that. That was my father’s name. I was called Pat from Day 1, then ‘Killer’ from age 9 through college.

“At 13 my social security number became Patrick Kilpatrick, then my driver’s license, then passport, marriage certificate all became Patrick. It floated into legality. More easily done in pre-Patriot Act America. When I became an actor, they asked me if I wanted Pat or Patrick for Screen Actors Guild. I chose Patrick — been that way ever since.”

By way of professional evolution, Kilpatrick has been a truck driver (without a license at age 14), dishwasher, camp counselor, swimming/tennis/rowing/sailing instructor, advertising writer/journalist for nearly every magazine in New York City (and most of the ad agencies), playwright, theater founder, assistant director/director on and off Broadway, lead actor in about 160 hit films and TV shows, screenwriter, movie producer, entertainment teacher. (OK, hold on as I need to take a breath.)

And now you can add published book author. But he’s largely known for playing villains against nearly every leading man on Earth (and some leading ladies) and in cinematic outer space.

And what does a villain choose to drive but a 2017 Jaguar XJ with a 340 horsepower V6. Kilpatrick picked up this beast from Galpin Jaguar in Van Nuys. They are very good friends of mine and I recommend them. According to Kilpatrick, “It was love at first glance. I’m a design guy and I really appreciate the lines and details.”

“After putting two fine boys (now young men) through expensive schools and three thrifty Toyota Priuses, I decided I needed to start living in sexy, sleek, deceptively awe-inspiring fast, elegant luxury automotive comfort,” Kilpatrick said. “One look at the car — inside and out — and I knew I was home. One drive and I arrived in engineering heaven. My back and overall health rejoiced and do every time I take it out. I don’t get 50mpg anymore and my insurance went up, but it’s well worth the extra money for the exuberant joy of living. Life is too short.”

But why this particular Jag? Kilpatrick speeds on.

“There are so many truly superb components,” he explains. “I appreciate quiet, stay the line, hyper speed. Everything about the car sings elegant performance precision. The look — black exterior, black leather interior with discreet white piping — is a delight. The dials and circle centric instrumentation are fantastic in simplicity and dynamic visual appeal. Roomy, four doors, electric universe — duel front and rear moon skylights. I can’t say enough about the rich experience of driving the car. All this and more at about half the price of a Tesla. At 110 it feels like you’re doing 50. Excuse me, officer but you’re interrupting an exquisite bonding moment between man and machine.”

This guy has got it goin’ on.

And what do you use it for primarily? Just errands, visiting his sons in Santa Barbara, dinner/movie dates with his fiancé, to slide to the gym and to diss BMWs, he said.

“Every day I will be in the car and imagine I want to be there, I press the accelerator and I am there.”

And, as we drove PCH and did an interview for my show, it felt as if the rest of the town was whizzing by in a panic. (Kind of like right now with the fire!) But to Kilpatrick, Malibu is “the ocean air and view of course, all along Pacific Coast Highway — night, day, sunrise, sunset. In the movie business we call it ‘magic time.’ Glide down the windows, breathe cool negative ions coming off the sea, slide gently but masterfully along the long genteel curves in light. It’s like a massage of the soul, makes living seem infinitely more perfect.”

We had a great time together, just driving and talking about the biz and his new book “Dying for Living.” Grab a copy on Amazon if you want to learn about reincarnation the Hollywood way. Kilpatrick has died and come back to life in so many films that he should start selling lemonade to St. Peter. Now I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again for anyone who loves being evil in movies. “Fall down, pick up check.” There’s no better way to live, die, then live again.

Want to be featured in Ride of the Week? Send Fireball an email at askfireball@fireballtim.com.

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