It’s the Holidays, and coolness abounds. Snappy designs and ideas from the best, and not so best, around. So, as I down my peppermint chocolate cookies and slurp my apple cream cider, I pose this contemplative effort. (Like, I have no idea what I just said…) Whatever…
Adios 2009! Welcome 2010! We don’t have flying cars. We don’t teleport our asses around the globe. And we don’t eat square Star Trek food. BUT, we do have G3 phones. We DO have bluetooth contraptions hangin’ on our noggens and WE DO…
…have bitchin’ rides. Bring it, Fireball.
1. SANTA’S LAND ROVER SLEIGH
Just frikkin’ cool. I mean, yea, the reindeer will be really pissed, but so what. Take the year off boys. Ima deliverin’ on my own. And I’m gonna buzz the pyramids at MACH 3. …Ho., yo.
…Funny. “Land Rover.” And… it’s a sleigh. That flies. I’m just sayin.’
2. THE AUDI AVATAR
No, not designed by James Cameron. Although, he coulda had it in the movie. Audi is poised to create future car badness with this and the ETRON. Although, I think they’re going to too many movies. Their next car is their wind-powered SUV called the RAMBLOW.
3. E-CRUSTACEAN
Certainly my choice in hybrid rides. Part BUG, part CRUSTACEAN. Butter powered and some serious pedestrian killers. Lemon slice anyone?
4. CAMARO ENFORCER
Want it. Gonna have it. Gonna use it. “You’re the disease, and I’m the cure.” “I am da LAW.” “Feelin’ lucky, punk?” All good lines, but this cars says… “Take your best shot and see what happens.”
5. THE ALFA SPIDER
This ride belongs to my buddy, Tony Michalski. He wanted to convey why cars are like women. Specifically, Italian women. And this dynamo is all Italian. So, I pose the question to ya’ll. “How are cars like women?” Ok, I’ll start….
On second thought, …my wife’s gonna read this. Peace out.
6. THE HONDA HELIX
What the heck? If someone can design this… then I should be driving it. Or… flying it. Maybe it’s a sub? No, wait. I KNOW! It’s an MRI Machine! …With wheels, duh.
7. THE MINI BEACHCOMBER
MINI. Only bigger than a MINI. And no doors. Well, there IS doors, but they come off. And you can store them in your other MINI. Oh, and there’s 9 billion options for this ride. Including Snow Boards that replace the tires. And it has 16 cup holders for slushies. Only,… 4 seats. But you can store the extra cup holders in your Clubman… which will go in the other MINI. Wait… now I’m lost.
8. THE SAHS MERCEDES BENZ
John Sahs designed the CUBE. And he’s my buddy in Tokyo. So, that’s cool. And this MB is cool. And it’s his. So, that makes John my new best friend. HEY JOHN! DESIGN ME AN OCTAGONAL MERCEDES! Or maybe a HEX HONDA. Or would you believe a TRIANGULAR TESLA. NO WAIT! A SQUARE SAAB!
Ok, I’ll handle that one…
9. THE FIREBALL SAABSLAM
GM is buggin’ out and dropping SAAB. You don’t do that to Swedish Babes. (Guess the Chinese doods didn’t want that along with getting a Hummer?) Anyway, references aside, slam a Saab and cruise it accordingly and what do you get? Big pimpin.’
10. MILK CHOCOLATE CARERRA
Options. Cocoa holders. Park, Reverse and Lick. Exhaust serves marshmallows.
Merry Christmas, people. LOVE TO THE WORLD!
Man, it’s been a crazy few days. Lots of cool cars have shown up (All in my driveway…. slight exaggeration, as in the driveway of the mind!) But, there are SO many doodads of coolness out there, it’s really hard to pick what gets the major super duper cool status of being one of of my CDW’s. (See, another acronym… I keep doing that for some reason.)
So, without further do doo… Feast in the pure bitchiness of the soul. Cars of heaven, direct to your door, yo.
1. THE AUDI LOCUS CONCEPT
Gorgeous, right. I mean, here’s a woman that knows your weakness. Although, most likely a 3D image, this Audi concept evokes style and charm with added sass. Like a woman who knows just how to get into that sweet spot of yours. ‘Course, dangling it first to get your attention until you melt like warm chocolate. Oooooo……
2. WHATEVER IT IS, IT’S GOT A BIG WHEEL CAR
I like this because as it drives by, I’d jump through the hoop. You know what I’m saying? Any car that comes with it’s own playground can’t be all bad? ‘Course, the rest of it is kinda “whatever.” A clear example of not carrying the theme throughout the vehicle. Kinda reminds me of my Nikes. But they’re red, so that’s different, right?
3. THE AUDI CALAMARO
A Squid. Clearly influenced by Star Wars, REVENGE OF THE OBI WAN EMPIRE ATTACK OF THE CLONING JEDI SITH LORDS OF LUCAS. Or whatever that last one was called. (I’m pretty sure that was it, though.) This Audi IS cool, and when magnetic levitation, or rotational flying portopotties are invented and perfected, I’m sure you’ll see them in the dealerships for the low low price of $1.5. (Hey, flying portopotties. THAT’S AN IDEA! AWESOME!! SOMEONE WRITE THAT DOWN, QUICK!!!!!!)
4. THE RENAULT TWIZY
Yup. If I had a Twizy, THIS is what it would look like. I mean, what else CAN you call this thing? And it will go perfect with my TOOTHBRUSH!!
5. BMW LOVOS
The coolest MAKES NO SENSE WHATSOEVER concept to ever appear ANYWHERE, period. It’s both awesome and ridiculous! Bitchin’ and stupid! Totally radical dood and Dumber than the Dumbest! So, how do you have a contradiction like this and be successful? Well, most celebrities and inventors are walking contradictions, right? Boom. (One thing though that they didn’t take into consideration when they concepted this. …Bird Doo. Go ahead, think about it.)
6. PEUGEOT MOVILLE
Yes, this time, the boys at Peugeot are on a whole new drug! Wuppeeee!!!! It’s a cross between the movie “Sleeper” and Pikachu. SPIN! SPIN! SPIN!… Barf.
7. BOWLER RAPTOR
Okay, someone call HPI Racing. Here’s their new model. I’M FIRST!! But I want a flag with Pamela Anderson on it.
8. A JONATHAN PUNTER CONCEPT
No, I don’t know which direction this goes, either. Maybe straight up? Although, cool in a funky 70′s futuristic sorta way, I don’t like that I can’t pick my nose without the whole world watching. Priorities, man, priorities. But, I can hear the Jetson’s whir, can you??!!!
9. THE BUGATTI STRATOS CONCEPT
Old is new again. But, I do like this Bu Beast. Even with the CD Cover front wheels and the Ostrich Catcher on the side. Elegant, clean, but only one problem….. IT’S NOT IN MY GARAGE!!!!!!
10. THE HONDA U3X MOBILITY DEVICE
Ok, everyone on the planet has probably seen this by now. The “Not Wheelchair.” All I want is to pimp this sucker. Can you see it? Black with Flames and a Lime Pinstripe! THAT’S AWESOME!!! If they don’t bring this out soon, I’m gonna hurt someone. That reminds me, did I take my meds today? Wups.
11. MY FERRARI
Okay, so it’s not really mine, but the CVS is mine. Well,… actually, that’s not mine either, but,… I go there from time to time… and THIS California was parked outside. So, you COULD say it’s mine, right? I mean, all’s fair in Love and Cars? I did, however, find a diecast version in the store. It was cheaper, so… I went for it. Splurged. And the full size Ferrari? It left. …..Now, I suck.
12. MY OFFICIAL ENTRY; THE HELITRUCK
Done for the “not greenlit film yet” SIX CITIES, this Helicopter, turned cool “Truck of Death” is sure to be a gangbuster success. I’ve gotten calls from Dealerships already placing orders. I’m serious! And the option list is off the chart!! ‘Course, they have to make the movie first ’cause I’m not building this beast for no reason. Unless,… maybe I can set up a PAYPAL account. Any takers?
13. THE GI JOE TRANSPORT OF DEATH
Here’s a CG version of the cars we built for GI Joe. Although cool, pretty sure we blew up all of them. Bummer, ’cause I really felt this could be the “Station Wagon” of the future. A little wood paneling, reversed rumble seat and you’re good to go.
14. THE HALCYON CONCEPT
What do you say about a car like this? It’s just plain cool in a sorta, “I didn’t want windows, mirrors, wheels, scoops, antenna, and anything else that made it look like a car. Just wanted it to be… well, a Halcyon. And what IS a Halcyon? A period of time in the past that was idyllically happy and peaceful. Calm.’ And THAT, is where I leave you doods.
AUM… PEACE… Outta here.
What is going on in this world? Ideas are merging, blending, taking shape, radically departing but staying the same. And that’s our world. Change.
Many people fear change. Maybe because it’s unknown. The question is, “What if you DID know the answer?” To everything? Would life be the same? Would you even be interested? Change is good. It keeps us on our toes, makes life adventurous, and forces us to have faith in things unseen.
Fortunately for you, you get to SEE this week’s designs. Some are wicked cool, some way not. But change is in the air, therefore, this week’s theme. Entitled?
CHANGE!…… DANGIT!
1. THE AUDI E- TRON ELECTRIC
Remember the Audi in “IRobot?” How could you not? It was in every DANG scene of the movie. Along with Will Smith’s beefy bod. (I had enough of that after the first scene… whatever) Well, Audi has taken their R8 and made it sweeter. Electric. And… Red. And red is good. Electric? Yea, that’s cool, but RED is cooler. Just think of RED things. Cherries. Megan Fox’s Lips. A stubbed toe. Ok,… maybe not the last one. But red is cool, dangit. (Check out the AutoDissection on the R8 here.)
2. THE BUGATTI GALIBIER
I don’t know what Galibier means, but I’m pretty sure it means BADASS in Swiss. Or French for Ho, Ho, Ho. This AlumiChrome cladded beasty is just plain sick lookin’ and all elegant at the same time. Has Bugatti changed? Yes. For the better? Yes. Do you want to take Megan Fox for a ride in this hammerfisted royal machine? Um… that would be a yes…. dangit.
3. THE CITROEN REVOLTE INTERIOR
WHAT!! WHAT!!!!!!! Ok. Let me go meditate on this for a while. I’ll be back…
Ok, I’m back. WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If this interior didn’t scream “look at me” any louder, I’d eat my hat. With mustard. …. One word, change it so that we can actually drive it. And what is THAT? A Star Trek Baby Seat??? Ok,l I want this car for my next film. It takes place in the 25th Century. Tentatively called ‘Duck Dodgers.”
4. VOLKSWAGEN THINGAMADOODLEHICKY
IS there something wrong with this car? Is it me? Is the picture distorted? Do I have poo on my shoe? These are just some of the things I contemplate when I look at this Vdub. Change. Change is good. Respect design, no matter what. And always,… respect the poo.
5. THE REVA ELECTRIC
I don’t know. Is this car cool? Ya think? I mean, electrics are supposed to be ugly. What’s up with that? Is this little beasty a tuner wannabe? Would you take it and slam the crap out of it? Carve it in the canyons? One thing is for sure, dangit, it’s so green that it’s turned my hair green.
6. THE GHOSTRIDER
This comes in today from a buddy at The Hub Garage. Check him out here. He’s an excellent designer with a lot of great ideas. Some are so over the top that they do belong in movies, but it’s not really the look of these cars that makes them unique. It’s vision. Vision is what changes the world. Visions of what you can’t see, manifested. We all say that ideas come from your noggen, but that’s not really true, is it? Visions come from the ether. In constant change and flux, promoting growth.
SpaceGarage’s cars promote growth. They get you to think what the world might be like through HIS eyes. Ah, change. It’s a good thing.
7. MERCEDES BENZ SLS AMG
Red. Cool.
8. TOYOTA IQ
Duh. ‘Bout frikkin’ time. What dumbass waited so long to bring a cool microcar here. Probably the same DUMBASS that gave us the Smart. Was that a pun? I mean, I put Smart and Dumbass in the same sentence! Is that a cool thing? It’s like in Back to the Future, the town was called Hill Valley. Howabout InsideOut, UpsideDown, Over and Above. Ok. I think I’ve lost track.
Where am I?
9. THE VDUB ARMS DEALER/ ESCAPE FROM LA
And my anti for this week? Something VERY serious. A vision of change. A RADICAL departure from the norm. This UNBELIEVABLE vision was done back in 1995 for the film Escape From LA. It was SO visionary, it didn’t even make into the film! THEY WE’RE FREAKED OUT OVER HOW AWESOME IT WAS!!!!! I mean, you take an old Harley, ass-connect it to a Bug, and fill it full of goodies.
Ok, maybe I’m kidding myself, but I’d drive it. Pull into a Baby’s R’ Us and pick up a load of Pampies? Done. Back into Starbucks and load up the Chocolate Madelienes? Done.
Change. Don’t fear it. Go with it, then watch how the answers come. And yes… I’m done.
White is associated with light, goodness, innocence and purity. None of which embody high horsepower, but it is considered to be the color of perfection. Although technically, white is “the absence of color.”
White also means safety and cleanliness. As opposed to black, white usually has a positive connotation. It also represents a successful beginning.
In advertising, white is associated with coolness and cleanliness because it’s the color of snow. You can use white to suggest simplicity in high-tech products. It’s an appropriate color for charitable organizations; angels are usually imagined wearing white clothes. (Although probably with red underwear!) White is associated with hospitals, doctors, and sterility, so you can use white to suggest safety when promoting medical products. White is often associated with low weight, low-fat food, and dairy products. You know, like the inside of a twinkie.
Yea, we all have ‘em, eh? Like, no matter how hard you try, it just keeps getting more and more challenging.
My Mom was diagnosed with Cancer last week. Terminal, they said Monday. Then, by Friday after getting more detail, they said that it was treatable and she wouldn’t die. That was a hellava rollercoaster for everyone.
So began a chain that ended Friday of very unusual events concerning everything from my son moving away to San Francisco with a great job to unusual Tax stuff. But somewhere in all that muck, I discovered a satisfying treat…
At the CITY BAKERY in Brentwood I found those unbelievable Hot Chocolate on the planet. Worth a trip from New York, this one. 26th Street and San Vicente. It went down like a warm blanket of chocolatey goodness. Ah, the simple things.
What else….
Oh, two shows confirmed coming up. The HUNTINGTON BEACH CONCOURS d’ ELEGANCE and THE RCX SHOW. Check the sites for info. I’ll be there, havin’ fun. Come say hi… (I may have some treats)
Reading Charles Haanel’s MASTER KEY SYSTEM. The book rumored to have launched Bill Gates. I can see why. Get it from Kallisti Publishing. It will be the most profound read you’ve ever done.
Oh, and a wee excitement in Malibu. Labor Day accident. No one seriously hurt, but a motorcyclist down for the count. He couldn’t win against an Infinity, but a MINI showed up to help as usual.
Oh, shot four new episodes of AUTO DISSECTION. Check ‘em out here. They should be airing next week. 3 Episodes up now, but the four new ones will include the Dodge Challenger and the Audi R8.
Yea, it was a busy week, but like all things everything turns out well.
