“5MINUTE DRIVE” Episode Re-Post with the 2013 Porsche Cayenne GTS

Had some issues with the posting of this episode, so here it is again for those of you who haven’t seen it yet. Car is awesomeness and Ethan is pretty dang funny…

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ALL NEW! 5MINUTE DRIVE Episode features Hollywood Writer Ethan Lawrence and the 2013 PORSCHE CAYENNE GTS!

What is a car for? Really, have you even asked yourself why you would ever spend so much money on such a thing when you can get another really cheap that more or less does the same thing by getting you there?

Why? Because it isn’t about getting you there. It’s about the “experience” of getting you there. (Watch the episode of 5MINUTE DRIVE and you’ll see what I mean!) You could literally express very easily the difference between getting somewhere in an old Toyota and getting there in a Bentley. Same deal. They both get you there, but one makes you feel different. So… it’s about the feel. The emotion. What’s goin’ on inside that’s important.

I took my brother Ethan for a spin in this car, and as you’ll see from the episode, it spawned all kinds of wacky discussion. A pretty hysterical drive, even down to the color of the seat belts.

When the guys at Porsche asked me to experience the Cayenne, I immediately got excited. Feeling #1. The idea that a sports car manufacturer makes a race-inspired SUV is intriguing, but will this car give me the same feeling that I get from the 911s? And to ensure that my feeling was heightened, the car came as a red GTS. A naturally aspirated beast that pumps 420hp from your foot to the ground, sending this dizzy acceleration addict into an elated gurgling smile.

Then, with the idea of touring this puppy long distance to Sedona and The Grand Canyon (the ultimate road trip), made me even ditzier. It became an elongated emotional experience. So, I grabbed two of my best pals, Fireball Pop and Bride of Fireball from Malibu and we headed to Sedona in Arizona. (See the full trip experience HERE). But a spicy red Cayenne in the red rocks of Sedona was the anticipation of Feeling #2.

The Cayenne GTS is a true Porsche. Its gutteral growl will point that out. Its track ready stance will prove it. Its comfort and bolster-perfect seats will cushion your sides like the bear of a Dad we’ve all wanted, not to mention the cozy seat heaters. On curves, it acts like a 911… or at least it dreams of being one and tries really hard at it. It’s the bigger brother that wants to get out and play with the rest, even though… well, he’s bigger.

The coolest aspect was the cruise control. See details about that in the linked posts above. Way out awesome.

SUVs are normally used for comfort and transport. Haulers of luxuriants. (Is that even a word?) Kids, dogs, stuff to the max. But the Cayenne doesn’t know this. It doesn’t realize it’s an SUV and actually thinks it’s a sports car. I for one won’t be the dood that tells it the truth. Act as if, and so you shall be. So, who’s to say that it isn’t a sports car? I’m not gonna ruin this baby’s dreams of wasting Ferraris.

The answer to everything lies within. How something makes you feel is an effect. The true cause… is your desire to feel that way. The 2013 Porsche Cayenne GTS exudes a piercing excitement and doesn’t skimp on giving you the goods if you let it. But, as I said, it thinks it’s a sports car so be prepared to have the dung scared out of you. This car can and WILL do that.

A car is meant to be fun. Fun to experience. No different than the ones we used to play with as a kid. Pretending to drive in between the rocks and through the trees.

Nothing has changed for me except that the rocks in Sedona were a bit bigger. Oh, and the fun is bigger, too. Way BIGGER. If you’re willing and able, this pulse pounding red rocket will launch you into the stratosphere of car magma. And you’ll get the silliest smile on your face… and the only reason a cop WON’T give you a ticket is that your funny look will infect him. Then he’ll be into Porsches, too.

Now no one is safe now…

Off to Sedona… Grand Canyon and now home…

Wow, what an amazing adventure…

Too much going on to be able to write this morning about yesterday, but since I’m back now… I can hit it. Left Sedona with some parting shots north through Flagstaff and into the Grand Canyon South Rim. Found some Navajo Trading Posts on the way in for gifts and some fingered views of canyon fractures. It was cool.

Got to the South Rim about 2pm for lunch at Bright Angel. The views were spectagulariffic and since Fireball Pop had never been there, he was overwhelmed. It took a veggie burger and a chocolate cake to calm him down. But at this point, he was getting pretty tired. Trips are tough for anyone, but he’s a trooper at 84 and knows how to do the business.

After Grand Canyon, Kingman on Route 66 was the stopping point for a bite and snooze. Not a great place, but there really isn’t much heading through the Mojave. And after a night of listening to truckers shoot the shit until 11, we were wiped.

This morning, we climbed in the Cayenne and headed the 400 mile trip home. Glad to be back in the Bu.

CAYENNE UPDATE: Croozing at about 100 is an easy feat at 5am in the darkness of the desert. But the Cayenne is quiet as a sleeping magpie and stealthed Route 66 like a champ. Averaged about 20mph all the way. Watched several guys come out of a Starbucks later on, all trying to guess what the car was, standing dumbfounded. Stunned when they found out it was a Porsche. Last guy said… “Now I know what to sell my stock for…”

Full review of the Cayenne this week with unbelievable photos. You can’t take a bad shot with this GTS in Sedona. Worthy of a Porsche Calendar. I’d love to say I was a good photodood, but it’s this awesome ride!

And since I’m back, expect COOLNESS to begin tomorrow morning… again. Yeehaawww!!!!

Off to SEDONA: Day 3

Huge day today. Headed out early to the Chapel of the Holy Cross. A church partially concepted by Frank Lloyd Wright, we wanted to see it before anyone got there. So, with our coffee in hand, we got there just as the sun came up and it was stunning.

Now, not being a religious dood myself and a more spiritual type, I went simply because of its beautiful. As most churches are. But the simplicity of this place was overwhelming. Built in 1956, it’s stood the test of time here in Sedona as a statement of grandeur.

Then it was off to some shopping in town where there was pretty much everything. Even doods with gun in holsters walking around. Thought I’d get on his good side, so I bought him an ice cream along with the pups.

CAYENNE UPDATE: In the middle of the day, we decided to head up Shnebly Road to the top. And although you wouldn’t dream of doing something like this in a Porsche, the Cayenne is an altogether different kind of beast. In the 4X mode and lifted several inches, the Cayenne had no problem rolling the dirt road and seeing the sites. Impressive. The key to offroad fun in a regular car is taking your time. And this 4 mile loop is a breeze at about 10mph. Rocks and dirt are smooth, and when we were done, the car dropped back into its “slammed” position and we headed for lunch at the Creekside Cafe. What a champ this car is…

Tomorrow? The Grand Canyon…



Took off from Mesa early after a stop at Dutch Bros Coffee. Awesome joint and the coffee is killa. Then started the ascent to Sedona. About a 2 hour drive. Very gradual with the introduction of huge Saguara Cacti everywhere. Hit Montezuma’s Castle about half way which is said to have been built in the 1400s. But it’s now known that Montezuma never made it up here, so the name is just for show. It was cool though.

But once we got there, the changes were unmistakeable. Red rock formations everywhere. Absolutely stunning. It was almost 2pm and with no lunch, the only thing on our minds was food.

We landed in old town Sedona at Tlaquepaque. A village shopping area built in the 70’s but looks like it came from the teens or earlier. Food was awesome and since Sedona is a total dog friendly town, all was good. They even had a doggie menu.

CAYENNE UPDATE: This car is solid. Especially the steering. Completely race inspired and takes a slight bit of muscle to handle it as opposed to “easy going” American car power steering. Like it. Still, out here, no one really knows what this car is and it gets major attention. One lady at a red rock turn out was shooting the car instead of the rocks!

Got some incredible sunset shots for a full review later.



Off to SEDONA: DAY 1

Well technically, we were off to MESA, Arizona first… where we landed at a La Quinta Hotel because they were the only ones who allowed dogs. For free, no less. They even went swimming in the pool. Cha.

But the 6+ hour drive was a jiff, thanks to the Cayenne, but I’ll get into that in a minute. We left about 9am and hit a wee bit of LA traffic, but once outside, it was free streaming through the desert. Although hitting just about every rest stop due to too much coffee. And then there was nothing. I mean nada.

The drive to Phoenix is like driving through Texas. Barren. And it makes you think about the buckboards and covered wagon Porsches back then. 😉 How the hell did they do that and not d.i.e.? Well, a lot of them did. But, that’s where gratitude comes in. Had they not braved the elements for us, we would not get to enjoy the country like we do today. Thanks, guys. We’re in your debt to share it with the world.

CAYENNE UPDATE: This 2013 model is an extremely comfortable long hauler, although the cops seem to really like the dark red color. I got followed and drafted several times and thought that my moments were numbered since it’s all too easy to hit 90 without noticing it. It took about 300 miles for me to finally figure out the Cruise Control ’cause the sneaky little buttons are in hiding somewhat. But once I did, it was a whole new level of awesome.

The Cruise Control not only sets your mph, if someone pulls in front of you, it slows down and keeps it’s distance. Whoa! Then speeds back up to your original setting when they move out of the way. One big step towards autonomous driving. Good job, boyeees…

Several folks asked what it was like to drive and one ol’ timer even asked me “What the hell is that, son?” Well, we did go through the desert. But one lady I let get in the driver’s seat and she nearly had a cardiac arrest. She said she and her husband had two 911s and were deciding whether to get the Cayenne or not. This was the deciding factor, for sure and even asked me if I wanted to sell it. I said no. I had too, otherwise be stuck in the desert with Jimmy Hoffa, right?

A/C was rockin’ the whole way, performance was slick and ergonomics are near perfect. The IP/dash looks a bit like the tail end of a futuristic Caddy, but it’s really cool. I adjusted the seat so high that I felt I was in a hi-chair for good visibility. But Kathie chose the low position and she looked like a little kid I was taking for ice cream. Fireball Pop, in the back, just sat there in anticipation. He’s never been to Sedona OR The Grand Canyon. Boy, is he in for a treat…

Up next? Up to Sedona today and red rock country…